“Should kids have chores”?

“Should kids have chores”? My answer to this is emphatic: YES! This won’t surprise anyone. What might surprise you is the best answer to these questions is that kids should have chores without expecting any sort of allowance. Don’t get me wrong, I think allowance is a great idea, but it should be completely independent of performing chores. (Allowance with get its very own post soon). Many parents in my practice fight regularly with their children about doing chores. They feel frustrated by the whining, the avoiding, and sometimes the ignoring that children do when they ask them to help around the house. So, how do we get our children to do chores without all the fuss? The answer to this question is: start them young. Kids who have always done chores tend not to see them as something that they can negotiate. They have always been expected to contribute to the family through their work and cooperation. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends starting chores in the home with children as early as age 3. “Research suggests that children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity and delay gratification” (AACAP, 2022).

But don’t worry, if you’ve missed the boat with starting your children young you can still expect them to do chores. Just don’t expect them to do chores without fussing. In fact, even kids who have always done chores will cycle through periods in which they will whine and complain about having to do them. Kids will complain about many things that parents expect them to do. But if you are parenting with the goal of raising a kind, responsible, and resilient person, you’ll find a way to deal with the complaints. Kids gain a sense of agency and confidence by doing chores. Yes, there will be whining and complaining on occasion (or if you’d just made it a rule you might have daily complaints) but stay strong and hold firm!  It’ll pay off. Being a part of a family means everyone has roles to play that make the family work as a team. Your child can only truly learn this by living it.

Examples of Age-Appropriate Chores

Preschool Age

  • Pick up their toys
  • Put food in the pets’ bowls
  • Dust low standing furniture
  • Empty bedroom trash cans
  • Put away light groceries that belong on low shelves        

Elementary Age

  • Clean up their rooms
  • Help make their lunches the night before
  • Take out the weekly trash cans to the curb
  • Wash dishes and put away clean dishes (depending on their height)
  • Sweep and mop the floors     

Teens

  • Do their own laundry
  • Cook one meal a night for the family
  • Make their own lunches or chose to get it from the cafeteria
  • Clean their bedrooms and bathrooms
  • Wash dishes and put away clean dishes
  • Walk the dog(s